Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

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Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Johnstone McGuckian on Fri Dec 30, 2011 4:55 am

This is a project that I've been working on and off for just over a year and so far 2 episodes are finished. I've sent the first episode (see below) to the BBC and got as far as the feedback stage. Despite rejection, the feedback has encouraged me to carry on with it. Below is the script I sent to the BBC as it was when it was sent. Hope you enjoy and any feedback is much appreciated. I'll post a second draft of the second episode soon and then get a move on with the third (only about 5 pages in so far).

Way Station - Pulse
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Johnstone McGuckian on Wed Jan 11, 2012 10:02 am

Here's the first draft of the second episode. Spelling and grammar may not be perfect. Feel free to point out anything at all. All feedback is much appreciated.

Way Station - Snowpoint Seven
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Nick Barlow on Wed Jan 11, 2012 4:48 pm

Haven't had a chance to read it, but you might find this interesting: http://www.redplanetpictures.co.uk/competition

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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Johnstone McGuckian on Thu Jan 12, 2012 4:41 am

Looks very interesting. I will submit. Thanks for the heads up Smile
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Nick Barlow on Thu Jan 12, 2012 8:08 am

Hi Johnstone, I've been reading some of the first script and a few things come to mind. Hope you don't mind a few notes on it!

First up, while I can't fault your ambition, from my reading it sounds like you'd need a hell of a budget to put this on screen, given the number of big sets etc it'd need.

Also, you include lots of names of alien races, but no detail about what they are. For instance, the first sequence includes 'Gorathian Guard' and 'Gorathian Soldier' - how do they differ from a regular Guard and Soldier? Later on, you introduce characters as being various different species, but there's no indication of what that actually means (except for one being described as 'yellow-skinned'). You might know what's special about these different races, but someone reading the script won't, and even when they do something, there's nothing that marks them out as distinctive from the humans around them - they come across as Rubber Forehead Aliens, to be honest.

The other problem I have is that there's not really much depth to the characters, and there's a huge flood of them in this script, and it's hard to remember who's who when they all seem to talk and react the same. There are big things happening around them, but all their reactions seem pretty deadpan to them.

Sorry if it's a bit negative, because there are some interesting bits in there, but there's nothing that really makes it stand out from lots of other space adventure stories, and if you're going to get someone to pay attention to it, it needs that added dimension.

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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Rich Flair on Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:12 pm

Have you got any normal drama to share with us, youngster? Everything I've read about writing seems to say that it's easier to impress those that count with a small scale drama or comedy that focusses on good characterisation, rather than epic space adventure stories, which tend to alienate.
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Johnstone McGuckian on Sat Jan 14, 2012 5:30 am

Cheers for the feedback Nick. As far as characterization goes that's pretty much the feedback I got from the BBC. I'm working on another draft that will hopefully sort this.

And I'm also working on a kids series about a haunted school that gives the students supernatural powers. Not very far into it yet but hopefully it'll be my next script for the BBC.

I also have a film script in the works about someone who commits suicide and leaves a note saying "I only blame one person". Through a series of flashbacks we see how this persons friends all believe that it may be them and their reasons for this.

The problem is, at the moment I seem to be starting a lot of things and then quickly moving on to something else, not getting much finished.
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Rich Flair on Sat Jan 14, 2012 5:40 am

Johnstone McGuckian wrote:I also have a film script in the works about someone who commits suicide and leaves a note saying "I only blame one person". Through a series of flashbacks we see how this persons friends all believe that it may be them and their reasons for this.

That's more like it. I'd concentrate on this one. Not as a film, but as a 30 to 60 minute drama.
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Johnstone McGuckian on Sat Jan 14, 2012 5:43 am

I definitely do intend to pick it up again some time soon.
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Johnstone McGuckian on Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:52 am

Rich Flair wrote:
Johnstone McGuckian wrote:I also have a film script in the works about someone who commits suicide and leaves a note saying "I only blame one person". Through a series of flashbacks we see how this persons friends all believe that it may be them and their reasons for this.

That's more like it. I'd concentrate on this one. Not as a film, but as a 30 to 60 minute drama.

Just letting you know that I've followed this advice pretty much exactly. I have 40 pages done now and I'm very happy with what I've done. I may post it online soon.
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Rich Flair on Thu Mar 01, 2012 5:37 am

That sounds awesome - i look forward to reading it!
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Re: Way Station (The One That I Sent to the BBC)

Post by Johnstone McGuckian on Wed May 23, 2012 2:20 am

It's taken months but I have a 97 page first draft of the above idea. I'm looking for readers to help steer me in the right direction with the second draft. No doubt that at the minute it's littered with mistakes and innacuracies. Would anyone be interested in giving it a read. Let me know if so and I'll email you a copy. Thanks.
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