"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out"

Welcome to our Official Christmas Movies discussion thread- the place to talk about your favorite holiday movies over the years, and why they're your favorite. I know it's not yet December, but we're now close enough to officially say we are in the Christmas season. Which means it's time to talk about Christmas movies.

My all time favorite has got to be A Christmas Story.







Not only is it a great story of one boy's quest for the ultimate Christmas gift, it's instructive, too! Who knew, for example, that there's a protocol for upping the ante in daring your friends to do stupid things? Or that when you've used language that earns you a lick of soap to wash out your mouth, the worst brand you can forced to bite on is Lifeboy? And then there's language lessons: what exactly does "notafinga" mean? How about dietary lessons, masquerading as secret coded messages?

From scary Santa and his mean elves, to a teacher who doubles as the Wicked Witch of the West, to the neighbors dogs that steal the Christmas turkey (Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra Ra-ra-ra-ra), this movie has it all.

Got me to thinking... what if we were to produce a Wrinklies version of A Christmas Story? Who would play which part?

I can see C=O in the role of the dad. "Frah-Gee-Lay! This must be Italian!"

Mom, on the other hand, would have to be Lucy Major-Minor. "No, honey, you'll shoot your eye out."

In Sid's extended absense, the role of Scott Farkas goes to Johnstone McGuckian. "Say Uncle!"

Ralphie's best friend, Flick. "I'm not gonna stick my tongue on that pole. What a dumb thing to do." I'm seeing Zoltar in this role.

And the other friend of Ralphie: "Go ahead! I triple dog dare you!" I think that's Konstantin.

The role of Miss Shields, the teacher, is well suited for Jennyjenkins. "Now I'm sure the guilt you're feeling is far worse than any punishment you might receive."

If we can coax Sid Seadevil out of hibernation, I see him in the role of the scary Santa at the department store. "Alright, get him off me!" I think Sid would relish the chance to shove youngsters down a chute with the heel of his boot.

And for the role of our dashing young hero, on his quest for the Red Ryder BB Gun, I humbly offer myself. "Ooooooooh Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge"

That just leaves the Narrator. "My dad wove a tapestry of obscenties that still hangs over Lake Michigan to this day." We need someone with the gravitas to pull off this part. How about Dave?

Did I miss any parts?

Patrick wrote:Ralphie's best friend, Flick. "I'm not gonna stick my tongue on that pole. What a dumb thing to do." I'm seeing Zoltar in this role.

I'm not sure, but I think I've just been insulted. I think I'd rather be the unseen neighbor, Bumpus, unleashing my dogs and destroying the Christmas turkey. (Bumpuses!)

Yourself as Ralphie should be amusing when we arrive at the "Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl." scene. I'm trying to imagine why you'd want to look like a deranged Easter Bunny.

Zoltar wrote:I'm not sure, but I think I've just been insulted. I think I'd rather be the unseen neighbor, Bumpus, unleashing my dogs and destroying the Christmas turkey. (Bumpuses!)

Would I do that? Be insulting? Perish the thought.

Zoltar wrote:Yourself as Ralphie should be amusing when we arrive at the "Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl." scene. I'm trying to imagine why you'd want to look like a deranged Easter Bunny.

Yes, that whole scene will be written out in the Wrinkly re-envisioning.

Patrick wrote:Yes, that whole scene will be written out in the Wrinkly re-envisioning.

I'm sure Ralphie wishes he'd had that kind of veto power too...

I think I've only seen It's A Wonderful Life and that dodgy elf-based thing with Dudley Moore... I like It's A Wonderful Life...

I am quite maternal, it's true.

Best Chrimbo Flick has to be It's a Wonderful Life - the film I use as my Human Test (if you don't cry, you clearly don't have a soul).

Runners-up - The Nightmare Before Christmas, Brazil, Tokyo Godfathers, The Muppet Christmas Carol, and Die Hard.

But I don't cry at movies.

If I watch It's A Wonderful Life with you, I'm sneaking in an onion. I don't want you chucking anti-plastic all over me.

On It's A Wonderful Life, if you've never seen this before, you'll find this of some interest.

Back in 1986, Saturday Night Live did their annual Christmas Special that year with William Shatner as the guest host. Shatner, in fact, actually introduced this skit by claiming that Saturday Night Live had found the famous "lost ending" of It's A Wonderful Life.

SNL's famous lost ending to It's A Wonderful Life

Lucy McGough wrote:But I don't cry at movies...

I can barely stop myself crying at films (sometimes embarrassingly so - watching Babe with your Goddaughter, for instance, and realising the 'That'll do, pig. That'll do.' bit is coming up. She openly mocked me. She was five. And I can't even begin to think about watching Edward Scissorhands anymore...), so between us we'd average out at a respectable level of tearage...

Patrick wrote:I can see C=O in the role of the dad.

Typecast again then!

Are these movies meant to be set at Christmas, or ones that you associate with watching at Christmas? (two very different things by the way. )

The Co=Ordinator wrote:Typecast again then!

Are these movies meant to be set at Christmas, or ones that you associate with watching at Christmas? (two very different things by the way. )

A good question, C=O.

I would say associated with watching at Christmas. Much as I love A Christmas Story, I can't see myself pulling out the DVD and watching it sometime in mid-June.

On the other hand, Michael Keaton was in Batman Returns with Michelle Pfieffer as Catwoman and Danny Devito as Penguin, and while that was set at Christmastime, I don't think of it as a movie I'm keen to watch only in December.

Of movies made in the last 30 years, the ones set at Christmas that I most enjoy rewatching are probably Home Alone & Die Hard 2. Really!!!

I'm a bit surprised no one has brought up A Christmas Carol. Of course, if anyone does, you'll need to specify which version you liked best.

The book.

Lucy McGough wrote:The book.

Now you're being cheeky.

Graymalkin wrote:

Lucy McGough wrote:But I don't cry at movies...

I can barely stop myself crying at films (sometimes embarrassingly so - watching Babe with your Goddaughter, for instance, and realising the 'That'll do, pig. That'll do.' bit is coming up. She openly mocked me. She was five. And I can't even begin to think about watching Edward Scissorhands anymore...), so between us we'd average out at a respectable level of tearage...

Charlotte's Web has made me cry every time I've watched it.

I've cried much more at the events of films than the events of real life.

Patrick wrote:I would say associated with watching at Christmas. Much as I love A Christmas Story, I can't see myself pulling out the DVD and watching it sometime in mid-June.

True. I don't have it on DVD yet myself, so I generally see it when cable rolls it out for it's traditional holiday airings.

Patrick wrote:I'm a bit surprised no one has brought up A Christmas Carol. Of course, if anyone does, you'll need to specify which version you liked best.

Hrmm. Probably either The Muppet Christmas Carol or the recording of Patrick Stewart's one-man version.