Ben Chatham in "THE WEDDING OF BEN CHATHAM"

Ok folks, here is the much anticipated new Ben Chatham story. It will have a festive element to go with Xmas. Enjoy alongside the Christmas Doctor Who story .

"THE WEDDING OF BEN CHATHAM"

Ben stared into the half-empty glass of absinthe and sighed bleakly to himsilf as the sound of shouting clubbers and pulsating music seemed like it was crushing his soul. He slumped back on the seat and his head knocked into a young blonde woman who was nattering away to a young man in a white shirt.
"Ere watch it mate" the woman exclaimed. Ben turned to her, his floppy hair dishevelled and falling down:
"I'm not your mate you commonplace female" he mumbled, his mind cloudy with alcohol. The girl scowled and the guy in the white shirt leaned forward:
"Watch it mate" he shouted. Ben sank down further into the seat:
"How did it come to this? How did I end up spending my evenings in this ghastly club? More to the point what the hell is a dive like this doing being frequented by the youth of Cambridge. The elite. The Junesse Dore of England...... mores the point how did my life end up in this rut. Everyone I've tried to love has ended up just knifing me in the back. Is there any point? I'm rambling......"
Ben slumps forward and knocks his drink over. As he does so, Katie Ryan comes over:
"Are you going to just sit there all night Ben? Come on over to the dancefloor". Ben lifts his head up slightly:
"I'm tired. Go away". As Ben spoke Ben's mobile went off.
"Answer that whatever thingy Katie ....." Katie frowned:
"You can be pathetic sometimes Ben". She rooted in his jacket pocket and found the phone.
"Hello, its Katie Ryan, Ben is busy...... what?.... slow down you little crap I can't follow you.... what? ........."
She stared at Ben:
"Its Luigi. Kyle's been arrested". Ben gave an intoxicated grin:
"Hardly a rarety".
"No you don't get it Ben. Kyle's been arrested at your apartment. Your apartment is being raided. "

Katie helped Ben to stagger out of "Club Zanzinger" and towards a row of taxis in the distance. Ben's phone went again and Katie answered:
"Hello... Oh no ... look have you told them who we are? They can't do this, we are above their juristiction......"
"What now?" Ben groaned.
"Operation Delta HQ is being raided as well, That was Paul Farraday. Apparently the police have special permission as its to do with the summer riots".
"Nonsense Katie. Operation Delta is above the police, as is Torchwood. I'll see that someone loses his job for......" Ben lurches forward and vomits on the pavement. A woman passing by mumbles something and Katie flashes her a firm look:
"wee off bitch."
She orders a taxi to take them to Ben's apartment and when they arrive they see a large police removal van being loaded up with massive boxes and computer equipment.
"What the hell is going on?" Katie demands. A police officer approaches:
"Do you live in these premesis madam?"
"No I don't. This is Ben Chatham's apartment. THE Ben Chatham. You are in big ¤¤¤¤ing trouble, PC Plod".
"We have reason to believe that this property has been used to store stolen goods from the summer riots by one Kyle Barry Scott. Do you know Kyle Barry Scott?" Ben looks up and flicks his golden hair out of his luscious eyes. He holds up his Operation Delta card:
"You cannot do this as it contravenes protocol. The regular police cannot question Operation Delta personnel".
"Rubbish Sir. We have also arrested a feral foreign youth of latin appearance called Luigi whom we suspect of riot offences. And I smell alcohol on your breath. I suggest you let us get on with our work or I will arrest you for being drunk and disorderly."

Katie drags Ben away and towards the Mermaid Wine Bar.
"What are you doing Katie? They can't do this its........"
"I know Ben. Something is really ¤¤¤¤ing wrong here. Paul Farraday has just texted so say that he, Corinne and the rest of the London staff have been threatened with arrest as well. The place is being gutted. They are using Kyle hiding stolen goods as an excuse again. Shakey Jake has also been arrested and his house ransacked. I'm phoning Nigel Moore, our contact guy at the Home Office".
They enter the Mermaid and Katie moves to a quiet corner to make the call. As she does so Keith Smith rushes in:
"Ben I've been looking for you. Its a plot to discredit the whole organisation. The conspiracy must involve people high up as........"
"What the hell are you rambling on about Keith? I'm tired and exhausted. I don't need all of this."
As Ben spoke, Katie approached:
"This is ¤¤¤¤ing odd Ben. Apparently Moore is no longer working at the Home Office. He's been arrested and charged with pornography offences. The woman on the phone said that OPeration Delta is no longer a recognised government agency".
As she spoke, the Mermaid door burst open and three police officers burst in through the door and approached Ben:
"Benjamin Chatham. You are under arrest for instigating public order offences, recieving stolen goods and possession of class A drugs. You have the right to remain silent and anything you say may lead to a kick in the nuts."

................ to be continued.

OK folks, here is part 2 of this dramatic story. The plot thickens:

THE WEDDING OF BEN CHATHAM: Part 2

Ben is thrown into the back of a police van and driven off at speed. Katie Ryan adds another layer of lipstick before taking out her mobile phone and calling Ben's father followed by Captain Jack Harkness......

Meanwhile Ben arrives at the police station and is dragged into the station by two burly officers:
"You cannot treat me like this. What the hell is going on?" he demands. One of the policemen laughs sardonically:
"We can treat you as we like mate as you're under special measures. Riot prevention."
"Oh what is this? I have never condoned, supported or engaged in rioting in my life and if any of my associates engaged in such behaviour then they would no longer be my associates I assure you." One of the policemen offers Ben a pound coin:
"'Ere take this".
"What for?" Ben asks.
"So you can call someone who gives a ¤¤¤¤". The policemen laugh and throw Ben into a cell. The wall has bloodstains on it and crumpled in the corner is a badly beaten young man who Ben is shocked to see is Kyle.
"What? What the hell have they done to you?" Ben shouts , cradling Kyle's bloodstained head. Kyle tried to speak and then lapsed into unconsciousness.

Several hours later Katie Ryan and Captain Jack Harkness met up in the Scholar's Arms bar in Cambridge. Katie was applying eyeshadow when Jack walked in looking perturbed. Katie decided that a smile would seem a tad desperate so she turned away and pretended not to see Jack. Jack strode over to her:
"Hey babe, whats all this about. You know I've got better things to do than run around helping you lot out all the time. Whats Ben got himself involved with now."
Katie flashed Jack an enticing look and sipped her martini:
"Oh sit down please Jack and stop complaining. Why do men always complain when there's work to be done?"
"Look Katie lets have none of your games. Whats going on?"
"Ben, Kyle and Jake have been arrested and our HQ has been ransacked. For some reason Operation Delta has been closed down. I may be in danger myself hence us meeting up here instead of in the Mermaid. Now would you like a drink?"
"Hell Katie this sounds like some goddam conspiracy. Were you followed here?" Katie smiles:
"I don't think so but I can't be sure. So lets make the most of it now while we still have time". Katie pulls Jack to her with his tie and gives him a huge kiss which Jack reciprocates.
"Hell babe you're as hot as ever. Theres a bed waiting for you at mine when this is all over" Jack says with a glint in his eye.

Meanwhile Ben is slumped in the corner of the cell with Kyle, who is lapsing in and out of consciousness. He has given up shouting for help and has wrapped his friend in his jacket to keep him warm. Suddenly the door bursts open and a plain clothes police inspector strides in:
"Mr Chatham you are to be released on bail."
"Hey what are you going to do about Kyle here, he's badly hurt. Furthermore none of this makes any rational sense. I have not been interviewed yet. Since when did the police release suspects prior to interview?"
"We ask the questions Mr Chatham. Now come with me."
"Not until you furnish medical assistance to Kyle". The inspector snaps his fingers and two policemen enter and drag Ben out of the cell.
"I'll make sure you people answer for this. I belong to the Conservative Party" Ben shouts as he is manhandled into the station foyer where his father is waiting.
"Er dad? Why are you here?" Alastair Chatham gave his son an icy stare:
"I have just had to bail you out Benjamin. I feel totally humiliated. Now get in the car!"
As they leave the building a mass of paparazzi surge forward taking photographs.

As Ben's father drove through the Cambridgeshire countryside Ben tried to reason with him:
"Look those photographers were there for a reason. The whole thing must be about discrediting me personally and Operation Delta in particular. Its a conspiracy. No special measures exist that allow the police to beat people up in cells and arrest and release people randomly without interviewing them. Its ridiculous." Mr Chatham stared at the road ahead:
"Benjamin, I have just had to bail you out of police custardy and tomorrow the newspapers will no doubt be full of stories linking you to riot offences, theft and illicit drugs. I am shocked and disgusted with you. Earlier I left your mother sobbing on the sofa. Its bad enough that you have clearly been running an organisation that employs criminals and drugtakers but to engage in such things yourself? What the hell were you thinking?"
"Its rubbish all of it. You know I would not condone such activities".
"Do I? You know I really don't think I know you at all anymore Benjamin. You persist in avoiding a proper career, you run around Cambridge getting drunk and having immoral relations with other young men. And now this. Well it ends now. You will straighten your life out or I will cut you completely from mine and your mother's lives. You will get nothing in my will; I'll leave it all to your brother."
"What? You can't do that. You think he's straight or something? He slept with my boyfriend".
"Please don't lie to me Benjamin. You have a clear choice. You either end this homosexual phase of yours and more importantly wind up this Operation Delta organisation immediately or we will disown you completely................."



................... to be continued.

Happy Christmas to all Outpost Wrinkly posters!!!!!

"You have the right to remain silent and anything you say may lead to a kick in the nuts."
Ah, Chathamite gold.

Well, this is festive

I told Santa that all I wanted for Christmas is a Ben Chatham story. And he's delivered.

Nothing says Christmas like a plastered Ben Chatham vomiting in the street.

Seeing as how that put me in the holiday spirit, I feel the need to spread the joy.



Merry Christmas, Wrinklies.

Oh, my eyes! Can I please un-see that, Hacky?!

It's the attention to detail that really makes a genuine Hacky stand out from the commonplace photoshop, isn't it?

Indeed, he is the Guv'nor.

The Co=Ordinator wrote:I told Santa that all I wanted for Christmas is a Ben Chatham story. And he's delivered.

Low expectations! This is the way to avoid Christmas disappointment.

Patrick wrote:Oh, my eyes! Can I please un-see that, Hacky?!

You can try.

lucy_who wrote:It's the attention to detail that really makes a genuine Hacky stand out from the commonplace photoshop, isn't it?

I'll take that as a compliment. I tried to make the sick green from the absinthe (See, I read or at least skimmed the story.). The shade's wrong, but I consider that artistic license. And who's to say he wasn't mixing it with some sort of kale juice chaser?

Bring on part three.

It was the green vomit that really marked it out as a bone fide Hacky rather than a mere pretender.

lucy_who wrote:It was the green vomit that really marked it out as a bone fide Hacky rather than a mere pretender.

Who in their right mind would pretend to be me?

A good point, well made.

So, when do we get the next installment of this gripping story?

The Emperor moves in mysterious ways.

The Emperor has no scales.
We should get some wagering going on how this is going to turn out:
Will he wrap up the story by Christmas?
Or indeed at all?
Will Ben actually do something redeeming?

Hacky wrote:Seeing as how that put me in the holiday spirit, I feel the need to spread the joy.



Merry Christmas, Wrinklies.

that's the christmas card design sorted for next year

Hacky wrote:The Emperor has no scales.
We should get some wagering going on how this is going to turn out:
Will he wrap up the story by Christmas?
Or indeed at all?
Will Ben actually do something redeeming?

Will Ben do anything at all besides moaning and whining while other people resolve the 'plot'?

And a Merry Christmas to you, Sparacus.

OK folks, here is the gripping New Years Day instaulment of this major Doctor Who spin off story.

"THE WEDDING OF BEN CHATHAM" Part 3

Ben felt alone, despondent and wretched. The walls of life seemed to be crushing his sensitive mind. He knocked back another glass of port and stared at the familiar surroundings of his parents' country house in rural Wiltshire. Alastair Chatham had insisted that his son spend the Christmas perod at home and the boredom of doing so was driving Ben to distraction. He threw his glass at the Christmas tree and it whizzed past and smashed on the wall beyond. The sound brought Ben's mother into the room:
"What was that noise? Ben? Did you throw a glass at the wall again?" Ben's dark dreamy eyes stared into space. Mrs Chatham elegantly turned towards him:
"Its high time that you pulled yourself together Benjamin. Your father and I are deeply concerned about your state of mind." As she spoke the doorbell rang and Mrs Chatham went into the hall to answer it. Opening the door she saw an attractive blonde youth standing before her:
"Er Hello. I'm James. James Bartlett. My father invited me........" Mrs Chatham gasped :
"He did what??" As she spoke Alastair Chatham came rushing downstairs:
"Er yes dear, I must have forgotten to explain. I thought we could have a proper family New Years celebration together."
"My God Alastair, you never cease to disgust me. I'm surprised you didn't invite his French whore of a mother as well. I'm going upstairs for a valium."

Mrs Chatham elegantly glided upstairs while Alastair showed James into the exquisedly furnished front room with wooden beams, wood panelling, stag-heads mounted on the walls and exclusive Harrods Christmas decorations. Ben looked up at his brother:
"Oh this just gets worse. Why are you here?" Alastair frowned:
"He's here because I invited him. He is my son and a fine young man. Man being the key word." Ben flicked his golden hair back:
"You know nothing about him." James held out his hand to Ben:
"Look Ben can we not like make up. I'm sorry for what I did."
"No we can't".
Alastair Chatham left the room to go upstairs and talk round his wife. James elegantly smiled:
"Look Ben I'm not just here because of dad. Your colleagues Katie and Jack contacted me and I'm like working with them. They know that dad has stopped you seeing Operation Delta people as part of his bail conditions and they're waiting in the Red Lion . All we have to do is make an excuse to go for a New Years Day drink."
When Alastair Chatham returns, Ben and James pretend to have made up and to be engaged in an interesting discussion about Flemish painting. Alastair smiles:
"I've succeeded in talking your mother round. I pointed out that only the lumpen bourgeoisie object to their husbands having mistresses wheras a true lady accepts her husband's occasional dalliances." James smiles radiantly:
"We have also like made up. We thought we'd celebrate with a glass of wine in the Red Lion."

Later in the Red Lion Ben sipped an absinthe and stared at Captain Jack Harkness:
"What is going on Jack?"
"Its a conspiracy that has been very carefully planned Ben. Given the goddam police have been allowed to concoct false evidence and beat up suspects without exposure, I'd say that involves not just their bosses but the major media moguls as well as politicians and other influential people."
"But why?"
"Hell Ben we must assume that its some kind of alien threat. Why else target Operation Delta."
Katie Ryan interjected:
"I recon that its an attempt to take over the UK from the top down. We can assume that they don't have the power or resources to just invade. So they are gaining control over those in power on a gradual basis."
"How is Kyle doing?" Ben asks.
"Oh chavboy? He's still very weak. Luigi has been released as well so we're both looking after him. He took one hell of a beating. Also we're running out of cash and the bills are piling up. If this goes on for much longer we'll have the ¤¤¤¤ing bailiffs knocking on Operation Delta HQ's door."
Ben stared at his glass and swirled the absinthe round:
"I feel like I've really had enough Katie. My organisation is going bust and my name has been ruined in the press. My father wants me to get married as well or he'll cut me out of his will." Katie reaches under the table and strokes Ben's knee:
"At least something good is coming out of this then Ben".
"What do you mean?"
"Oh come on Ben. I'm more than ready to help straighten you out".
"I'm not marrying you. I have someone else in mind."
Ben takes out his mobile and rings a number:
"Hi is that Emma? Emma Cole? Hi its Ben here. Happy new year! I'm calling to offer you marriage. You know how wealthy my family is so you'll be able to live in a nice house with room for a pony. I assure you that you will be well provided for and I will engage in sexual activity with you once every two weeks provided that our parents approve..........."

...................to be continued.

Crumbs. Ben Chatham bending to accommodate his parents? Methinks there must be something afoot.

The plot thickens.

lucy_who wrote:The plot thickens.

Coagulates, even.

Dave Webb wrote:

lucy_who wrote:The plot thickens.

Coagulates, even.

Like a week-old spillage of absinthe, dissolving 300 years of beeswax off an ancestral oak table.