C=O presents "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"

Scene Three

Palace/ Queen’s Boudoir as before. Lights up to reveal the Queen is already seated. On the table instead of the crystal ball there is now a cauldron. As the lights rise The Queen stands up, although on this occasion the set remains slightly dimmer; a portent of things to come.

Queen: (To audience, who should be booing!) Oh, for goodness sake, do be quiet you tiresome rabble. For the final time, I am the most beautiful and ravishing in the land, and that’s the end of it! (Audience interaction, then picks up mirror). Alright, let’s turn to the ultimate arbiter.

Mirror, mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?

Mirror: Well my Queen, you are fair it is true,
Hair so blonde, and eyes so blue.
But with seven dwarfs around to tend her,
Beautiful Snow White is no pretender.

Queen: (To audience, in humorous disappointment) You know what, I was really, really hoping that during the interval Snow White had somehow, shall we say, ceased to exist. Oh come on, be fair, after all it would have meant we could all go home right now!

(Suddenly her mood turns much darker). But that was not to be. Very well, the time has come for me to take matters into my own hands. (Lights dim, flashes of lightning appear across the main stage). Even if she has got a bunch of no good hobbledehoys looking after her, Little Miss Goodytwoshoes cannot be protected all the time. And I will make absolutely sure that, this time, it really is night night, Princess. I’ll go myself in a disguise so wonderful that no-one, not even Snow White, will know who I am. (Looks around the boudoir).

I want a very special sort of end for Snow White – let me see. (Collects a potion book and starts flicking through it). Why yes indeed how exquisite, a poison apple, sleeping death itself! With such a weapon I shall travel deep into the forest, to the cottage of those horrible, lazy good for nothing dwarfs and rid myself of that dreadful girl once and for all. Bwahahahahaha.

Now what I need is a potion to transform my beauty (preens herself) into ugliness and the appearance of an old hag. Ah yes, the very thing! ( Flicks through the book again). Now then…..(The Queen carefully goes selects some jars, putting them on the table together with a chalice – she then returns to the book, which she has placed to the side of the cauldron and starts taking ‘ingredients’ from the jars).

Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake:
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog.
Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting
Lizard’s leg and howlet’s wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell broth, boil and bubble.

As the potion is being concocted smoke comes from the cauldron. On the word bubble a flash erupts – the Queen laughs hysterically, pours the potion into the chalice and greedily drinks every last drop. Replacing the chalice on the table she clutches her throat and gurgles before collapsing behind it. Moments later she slowly rises, her appearance apparently transformed as she is now wearing a large black cloak with the hood over her face (this may be a double). She glances into the mirror.

Queen: (In a different voice) Aahhh, a perfect disguise indeed. (Hurries off through the Boudoir door)


Blackout. Boudoir, table/chair out.

Sid Seadevil wrote:Good lord, that's cutting things close, old chap - but I'm sure you and the rest of the team are more than up to the challenge.

I'm concerned we won't be close enough for opening night. On top of the technical issues, one or two performances strill aren't where they need to be. Still, there's precious little any of us can do about it now.

The Co=Ordinator wrote:I'm concerned we won't be close enough for opening night. On top of the technical issues, one or two performances strill aren't where they need to be. Still, there's precious little any of us can do about it now.

Understood. So all that you can do is try to tweak and polish as much as possible in the time remaining, and trust that everything will be alright on the actual first night.

That's about it. On a personal level I've known all my own lines (a mere 31 this year) and songs for several days now - though history suggests I will cock up at least once tomorrow night!

Ah well cocks-ups from the performers is almost half the fun of a good panto...well, at least from my perspective as an audience member.

As an audience member there's great pleasure to be derived from closely following the trees and planks.

Hee...

The Co=Ordinator wrote:Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake:
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog.
Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting
Lizard’s leg and howlet’s wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell broth, boil and bubble.

Funny enough, this reads rather like a recipe someone I work with would actually try.

Patrick wrote:

The Co=Ordinator wrote:Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake:
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog.
Adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting
Lizard’s leg and howlet’s wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell broth, boil and bubble.

Funny enough, this reads rather like a recipe someone I work with would actually try.

Remind me never to accept an offer of lunch from that person!

And so, after a very fraught post Christmas period, opening day has arrived. Let's hope that many collective legs are broken!

Absolutely!

In honor of our CyberAdmin, "get a rusty leg part," of man of tin.

Scene Four

The Palace. Lights up to reveal the King pacing about, still holding his telescope: pointedly the Queen is absent: things are clearly not right. Courtiers and servants are milling around whilst the Chancellor is involved in an animated discussion with the King himself. The King breaks off to address the Guards.

King: Are you certain you do not know the whereabouts of Princess Snow White?

Guards: No your Majesty.

King: I tell you Chancellor Norrington, there has been neither sight nor sound of my daughter for far too long now.

Chancellor: By Vectron, I can well understand your concern Sire, however please consider that the Princess is a very sensible young lady, and certainly not prone to rash behaviour.

King: Yes, yes, of course – that is why this is all so mystifying.

Serena: (To Venus) It’s a mystery, it’s a mystery.

Venus: (To Serena) I’m still searching for a clue.

Hotchit and Botchit suddenly rush in stage right and runs towards the King.

HotBot: (Shouting) Your Majesty! (They realise they have not given the audience the usual greeting) Alright geezers. (Audience interaction).

Hotchit: Here geezers, we don’t mean to be rude but there’s something really, really important that we have to tell the King straight away!

Chancellor: (Who has been eavesdropping) Oh have you now – and what will that be then?

Botchit: (After a few seconds thought) Mrs. Bubbles told us to run on ahead and let you know that Hedrick has very important news about Snow White.

King: (Surprised) Snow White, is she alright?

Chancellor: Well here Hedrick is now your Majesty, he can tell you himself. (Hedrick enters stage right with Clodagh just behind him.)

Hedrick: Your Majesty!

King: Yes Hedrick. Quick what news do you bring, what is the whereabouts of my daughter?

Hedrick: (Cowering) Oh your Majesty, I have done a terrible thing.

Chancellor: Guards, arrest this man immediately! (The guards make as to arrest Hedrick.)

King: (Waving the Guards away) No, no, wait a minute, let him speak. (Guards withdraw). Come on Hedrick, spit it out.

Hedrick: Well, you see, what it is - she, that is Queen Melissa, told me that I had to take Snow White deep, deep into the forest –

All: Yes and……….

Hedrick: And once we were there that I had to………. kill her and that if I didn’t she was going to kill me –

All: Yes and………….

Hedrick: :But I didn’t, I swear, I promise, I didn’t (Pause). I couldn’t. (Looks around). Princess Snow White is so lovely, she wouldn’t harm a fly. Now I know you all think I’m some horrible brute of a thing, but that’s not true. The Queen has bullied me for years now, but I wasn’t going to be bullied any more. So I didn’t do what she said (becoming proud of himself), in fact I didn’t harm a single hair on her body.

King: So, Hedrick, what did you do. Where is my daughter?

Hedrick: (Shrinking again). Well I left her in the forest….

Chancellor: By Vectron’s golden wings, you did what?

Hedrick: I couldn’t think what else to do.

Chancellor: Guards, definitely arrest that man! (Guards move forward again)

King: No, no, wait. Hedrick, you have done two very brave bold things. Not only have you disobeyed the Queen, you have come and told us the truth. Well done – but now, we have to find Snow White. Can you remember where you left her?

Hedrick: Well yes Your Majesty, I think so.

King: Excellent. Chancellor, prepare search parties, round up all able bodied men, in fact gather everyone that you can. We must start the hunt for my daughter immediately, led by brave Hedrick here. (Goes to pat him on the shoulder but suddenly recoils at the thought)

Chancellor: Yes Sire, by Vectron’s beard!

All are preparing to leave when Candy and Jason rush in stage right.

Jason: Your Majesty.

King: Yes children, what is it?

Candy: We just overheard some of the Guard talking, and they said the Queen has completely disappeared from the Palace.

Jason: They also mentioned that an old hag was seen leaving a while ago and heading in the direction of the forest.

Clodagh: (To the King) Your Majesty, you don’t think….

King: What with her warped mind, and those potions she can concoct, anything is possible Clodagh. I’ve allowed that evil woman to dominate me for far too long, and look at the mess it has left us in. Now it is time to put things right, and that starts with rescuing Snow White.

The King firmly raises his right arm as a sign of strong leadership. Realising that he is still holding his telescope he draws it back, looks at the telescope and says to himself.

KinG: This is a sign of my weakness. All I have done for the past few years is look through this whilst at the same time I have been blind to what has been going on all around me. From this moment on, things will be different. (Pointedly drops telescope, then turns and speaks to all on stage). Mrs. Bubbles, I would like you and the Handymen to stay behind, just in case The Queen returns. If she does, please contact us immediately. I will take my Blackberry with me.

Clodagh : Of course your Majesty.

King: The rest of us must away to the forest. Immediately! (Following the King all except Clodagh, Hotchit & Botchit exit through the audience. Those left on stage now come forward.)

Clodagh: Well boys and girls, what a turn of events that was.

Hotchit: I do hope they find Snow White Mrs. Bubbles.

Botchit: Yes, she’s a lovely girl and I’d hate anything to happen to her.

Clodagh: Indeed. Well said lads. By the way, did you know that Chancellor Norrington has been trying to find a new cleaner for the Palace Ballroom?

Hotbot: No Mrs. Bubbles.

Clodagh: Yes it’s true. Apparently the previous lady refuses to hang around all night while he holds his balls and dances. Anyway boys and girls, we’ve got to keep guard, so see you all later. (All the three wave and exit stage right).

Blackout. Cottage, Bedheads and Bed In.

Better by the minute! Roll on curtain rise!

Break a Cyberleg, C=O.

Well opening night went far, far better than we could have hoped for. Dunno how these things come together sometimes: even there there were still too many errors we got away with it!

Wonderful news, old man. And at least the errors can be ironed out now. Congratulations to your good self and all concerned.

Opening night is always the most difficult night. Congrats on the successful debut, C=O!

And so Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs has come and gone. Seemingly to considerable acclaim. Which is not something I'm entirely sure it deserves.

Anyway, I shall post my full thoughts, photos and hopefully the odd clip in the upcoming days. Meanwhile, it would help if I finished posting the script!

Scene Five

Inside the dwarfs cottage, set as in 2:2. Lights up to reveal Snow White centre stage.

Snow White: Hello boys and girls. The dwarfs have gone off to the mine, but before going they told me that I must be on my guard and not let anyone into the cottage. I know they fear I may be in danger from my stepmother, although I think I’m sensible enough not to open the door to her. Anyway all this idle chat, pleasant though it may be, is not getting my chores done, so please excuse me while I get on with things.

Using a big feather duster, Snow White goes about some ‘household’ chores. Soon there is a knock at the door: Snow White takes the duster with her and moves towards it. Expect audience response.

Snow White: (To herself halfway to the door) Oh no, I’m not allowed to answer the door am I?

She goes back and resumes her chores. After a short while more the door knocks for a second time. Once again Snow White heads towards it, this time dropping the duster .

Snow White (To herself) I know the dwarfs said I mustn’t answer the door, but surely there can’t be any harm in just looking to see who’s there?

As she glances towards the ‘door’, a voice is heard from off stage right.

Queen: Apples, lovely apples, who would like to have one of my apples.

Snow White: Ooh apples, they’re my favourite. There couldn’t be anything wrong with me getting an apple could there? (Possible audience interaction). I know, I’ll find out who it is. (Loudly) Who is it offering their apples?

Queen: Just an old peddler lady dearie, who happens to be passing through the forest with her basket of lovely, fresh, crunchy, juicy apples. Why don’t you open the door and see for yourself?

Snow White: Well my friends the dwarfs told me that I must not open the door to anyone, not even an old peddlar lady.

Queen: Come on now dearie, those lovely dwarfs wouldn’t mind you opening the door for me. In fact they would be sorry if you didn’t.

Snow White: Oh, what should I do? Shall I listen to what the dwarfs said, or will it be alright to let the peddlar woman in? (Audience Interaction. Finally Snow White makes up her mind.)

Snow White: Well I don’t think it’s going to do any harm, so I’m going to let her in.

Goes to the ‘door’. A sound effect indicates it being unbolted and then opening. Snow White leaps back as the Queen, in the disguise of the old hag, enters rapidly.

Snow White: My, you move very quickly for an old woman.

Queen: (Making gestures at the audience to stir them up and elicit a response) Well you know what? I’m still fit despite my age because of all the apples that I eat. Now come on here’s one for you, a special gift from a new friend.

The basket the Queen is carrying contains a number of apples. However she calculatingly picks one particular shiny red apple and hands to it Snow White.

Queen: Go on dearie have a bite – it’s lovely. (She almost pushes it into Snow White’s face.)

Snow White: (Half holding her hands up as if in self preservation) Well, I’m not totally sure that I should. (Steps back a couple of paces and quickly visually inspects the old woman). Do I know you?

Queen: (Turning quickly away towards to the audience and ensuring that her face is covered as much as possible). No, no, you’ve never seen me before in all your life.

Snow White: Oh, what to do. Should I eat the apple or not? (Play it for all it’s worth! Finally turn to the Queen). No I’m sorry, it’s very kind of you to offer but I don’t think I will.

Queen: (Trying to contain her anger with both Snow White and the audience). Well I tell you what love. I’ll be off now, but you can keep the apple anyway so that if you feel at all peckish you can still have it later. Is that all right with you?

Snow White: Yes, that seems very fair indeed; thank you and goodbye.

The Queen firmly plants in the apple in Snow White’s palm and swiftly exits, the door slamming.

Snow White: I was worried about letting that old lady in, but she was quite nice really. And now she’s gone, you know what I am feeling quite peckish and it is such a lovely looking apple that I’m just going to have one…………little……..bite.

The audience should be shouting or screaming no, but it is too late. Snow White bites into the apple. Almost immediately she starts choking and then collapses on Dave’s bed. Pointedly try and hold the apple in your palm as you fall. Suddenly a loud cackling is heard from off stage right – The Queen enters and turns to the audience.

Queen: I told you I would get her, and I have. The Princess is no more and I am, once again, the most beautiful in the land. Bwahahahaha. Exits triumphantly.

Silence. Nothing on the stage moves. Snow White lies prone, apparently dead. The lights dim somewhat. Music heralds the return from the mine of the dwarfs, as they enter from the rear of the auditorium before facing the audience.

Ben: Who was that old hag we saw running away?

Jen: And why is the door to our cottage open?

Hen: I’m afraid something awful’s happened.

Len: Yes, where’s Snow White? Surely she wouldn’t have opened the door.

Den: I hope not after all we told her.

Pen: Young people never listen.

Dave has peeled away from the group and started looking around the cottage. He soon comes to his bed where he discovers Snow White’s lifeless body.

Dave: Oh no, my poor Snow White. Dramatic music.

Blackout. Cottage etc out. Forest and Log in.

C=O, I'm a bit suprised the queen/old hag didn't offer Snow White fish custard.

While I can't wait to hear the C=O's full thoughts and the promised additional material.

As for the latest scene from the script - it's every bit as enjoyable as expected.

Patrick wrote:C=O, I'm a bit suprised the queen/old hag didn't offer Snow White fish custard.

Haven;t you read the script Patrick? Fish Custard is in it!

Sid Seadevil wrote:While I can't wait to hear the C=O's full thoughts and the promised additional material.

Hope to upload some photos tonight. Have hundreds to go through.

Oh goody!

Scene Six

The forest. The log from Act 1 Scene 7 is in place near front of stage. The set is in near darkness. Led by Hedrick, the search party from the Palace arrives through the audience. Lights up slightly.

King: Hedrick, are you sure that this is where you left Snow White?

Hedrick: Yes, your Majesty – she was sitting on this very log.

Chancellor: Well, she certainly isn’t here now.

Prince Gregory, Rick, Billy and Jim enter stage right. The Guards draw their swords and the four are surrounded by the search group.

Sgt Bash: Stop, throw down your weapons.

Sgt Rock: Move and we’ll run you through.

Sgt Bash: We are lean, mean fighting machines.

Sgt Rock: Extremism in defence of liberty is no vice, moderation in pursuit of justice is no virtue.

Private Partz: Yes, do as you’re told you naughty boys.

King: (To Chancellor) Are you sure there are no women in army?

Guards: (In varying pitch) No, no, no, no, no.

King: Enough – who are you, and what precisely are you doing here?

Prince: (Boldly) We could well ask the same of you!

Chancellor: (To Prince) In Vectron’s name speak wisely varmant, or the guards will put out your tongue.

Venus: Varmant? That’s a cool word there Chancellor Norrington.

Rick: Right now, I really wish that I had decided to stack shelves.

Billy: Yeah, buy one get one free!

Jim: Oh BOGOF Billy.

King: Come, let us stop this nonsense. (Turning to the trio) Gentlemen, I am King Copernicus, and we are searching for my daughter, the Princess Snow White, who has disappeared from this area. Now the question is, have you heard or seen anything or indeed do you know of her whereabouts?

Prince: (Bowing) Your Majesty, accept our apologies for not recognising you. I am Prince Gregory of Perivalia and these are my travelling companions Rick, Billy and Jim (Individual bows). We are on a journey seeking our destiny.

King: Aah Perivalia. I have often heard fine tales of your Kingdom, in particular the Estate of Medway. Guards, withdraw, they are clearly not our enemy.

Prince: Thank you, your Majesty. May we, perchance, be allowed to join with you in the search for your daughter?

King: Why, yes of course – this can only help strengthen us.

Prince: (To Rick, Billy & Jim) Didn’t I tell you that I had a sense of destiny? Well this must be it: Princess Snow White is the woman with whom I am meant to spend the rest of my life.

Rick: Gregory baby, you’ve been reading too many fairy tales.

Billy: Sounds more like a nightmare if you ask me!

Jim: Yeah, definitely a life sentence.

Serena: Your Majesty, may I make a suggestion?

King: Yes, of course, feel free.

Serena: As Snow White obviously isn’t here, why don’t we split up into two groups and search the area for her. It would make a lot more sense than all staying together.

King: That is an excellent idea. I will lead one group together with the Lord Chamberlain, Candy, Jason and Hedrick, whilst Prince Gregory here will lead the other with his friends, plus Lady Venus and you Dame Serena

Chancellor: Guards, you will split equally among the two groups.

Candy: Well come on then, there’s no point hanging around.

Jason: Yeah. Let’s go and see if we can find Snow White!

The two groups set out moving off front of stage, one to the left and one to the right. Incidental music, “The Mountain”, accompanies this action. Follow spot enables the groups to come in and out of vision, the aim being to give an impression of the intensity of the search. The participants can do some ‘straight’ ad-libbing.

Whilst the action is taking place the tabs come in front of the forest set – this allows for Snow White’s ‘body’ to be placed on a dais surrounded by flowers. The dwarfs then gather around the dais. The tabs open to reveal the situation to the audience. The dwarfs look mournful, their heads bowed in respect.

Prince: (Pointing at the stage from the auditorium) Look, over there – can you see something? (Cue transformation of set lighting)

Venus: I’m not sure – we’d better go and find out.

The two groups meet up at the front of the stage and, concerned, slowly move towards the dais.

King: (In horror) What has happened to my daughter?

Chancellor: (To dwarfs) What have you done to Princess Snow White?

Ben: Sir, we have not done anything to her.

Jen: She arrived at our cottage seeking shelter and help.

Hen: We looked after her as best we could.

Len: But while we were working at the mine an old hag came by and gave her an apple.

Den: A poisoned apple that Snow White bit into.

Pen: And now she lies here, beautiful but lifeless.

Dave: (Pleading) Is there nothing anyone can do for my Snow White?

Chancellor: Well I think we know who the old hag is.

King: Yes indeed. Guards, leave us now and hunt for Queen Melissa.

Sgt Bash: Immediately Your Majesty.

Sgt Rock: By Your Command Sire.

Private Partz: (Behind the other two) Wait for me luvvies! (Guards exit stage front)

Hedrick (To King) I am so sorry your Majesty.

King: Fear not Hedrick, I do not blame you for this.

Prince: (To Rick, Billy and Jim) This is it guys, the moment I’ve been waiting for. The moment of destiny. Look at Snow White lying there - she’s beautiful isn’t she?

Billy: Well great Gregory, only one small problem.

Rick : Small? It’s a bit bigger than that!

Jim : Yeah, like she’s not exactly breathing or anything is she?

Prince: (Slaps Jim) Shut up Jim you dipstick. (Turns to the King) Your Majesty if I may be so bold, I am of the heartfelt opinion that the future of your daughter happens to rest solely on my shoulders.

King: That’s a very bold assertion young man, how can you justify it at a time like this?

Prince: If you will permit me, I will with three simple words. “Love’s True Kiss”.

Chancellor: By Vectron’s mighty claw, are you mad?

Venus: Well if he is, he’ll fit in seamlessly with the rest of us.

Prince: Chancellor, I am not mad – rather I believe in destiny, it is written in the stars.

Chancellor: Oh no, we’re not going back there again are we?

Prince: Please, just trust me.

King: Very well, young man. Do your bidding

The dwarfs step back as the Prince goes over to the dais. He goes up to Snow White, pauses over her lifeless body for a short while, and then kisses her. Shafts of bright light suddenly emerge. The set lights rise to full brightness. Everyone steps back in amazement. As the effects clear Snow White sits up and looks around.

Snow White: Hello everyone what are you all doing here?

King: It’s a miracle, Prince Gregory has brought Snow White back to life!!

Wild cheering, hugging and jubilation all round. The King even hugs Hedrick before thinking better of it.

Candy: Well cousin, you managed to give us all a serious scare there!

Snow White: (Thinking deeply) Oh yes, the old woman, the apple – it’s all coming back now – I was choking and couldn’t breathe. So how come I’m here now?

Jason: Well Snow White, it’s thanks to this young man here. (He introduces Snow White to Prince Gregory – as their eyes meet a sound effect indicates that it really is love at first sight!)

Prince: Princess Snow White, please allow me to introduce myself. Prince Gregory of Perivalia at your service (bows).

Snow White Wowwee, I mean good day Gregory. (To Candy) Remember I told you how I dreamt about meeting a handsome Prince who would marry me? Will here he is. Oh I am so happy!!

Prince and Snow White embrace. They both then turn to the King.

Prince: Your Majesty. Would you allow me the great honour of asking for your daughter’s hand in marriage?

King: You’re a quick worker young man! (To Snow White) Well my dear, what do you say?

Snow White: (Briefly thinks coyly) Ummmm – yes please Papa!

Cheers all round

Jim: Can you believe it Rick?

Rick : The way this script has been going, I can believe anything Jim.

Billy: What, even that Australia can play cricket?

Chancellor (To Serena and Venus) Well Ladies, by Vectron’s glad tidings it looks like we are going to be busy for a while organising a matrimonial ceremony.

Serena: Oh, what a happy day it will be.

Venus: Good job there’s a wedding fair coming soon at Greenford Hall.

Serena: Yes, we’d better pop down for some tips.

Prince and Snow White walk to front of stage, holding hands.

Snow White: Gregory, I can’t believe how lucky I am.

Prince: The feeling is mutual Snow White. I tell you, there’s one thing that I know for sure.

Snow White: What’s that?

Prince: Something’s happening, (Cue music) I’m already looking forward to our future!

SONG – SOMETHING IS HAPPENING (by Hermans Hermits)


Blackout. Palace/Boudoir In.

Outstanding! And surely I can't be the only one who wants Sgts Rock and Bash to get their own spin-off adventure.