C=O presents "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs"

Leave 'em wanting more Mr. Q

Indeed, Mr. C=O. Indeed

Rehearsals lasted nearly 4 hours today. I'll probably not post Act 1 Scene 6 and its background until the morrow now - too bloody knakcered for all the reformatting!

Blimey! What a trooper.

Sid Seadevil wrote:Blimey! What a trooper.

*nods*

*nods back*

Scene Six AS WRITTEN!

Still the Palace. Lights up. Hotchit & Botchit enter stage right. They are both wearing tool belts with various props on. One carries a bucket, the other a dust sheet.

HotBot: Alright geezers. (Audience interaction)

Hotchit: Have you met that Queen Melissa yet? (More audience interaction) Wow, she’s scary isn’t she?

Botchit: It’s a good job we managed to persuade old Hedrick that he wasn’t meant to do what she said, otherwise we’d have been in serious trouble.

Hotchit: Anyway, we’ve got a lot of work to do, so please excuse us.

They lay out the dust sheet, put the bucket on it and start pretending to do some work. Clodagh enters stage right and bustles her way to front of stage.

Clodagh:Hello boys and girls. (Audience interaction). Do you know, I went to the Doctor’s the other day and asked him for something for persistent wind: he gave me a kite. And apparently Dame Sarena and Lady Venus have nipped across to the Palace Zoo to help look for a missing snake. Indeed, Venus has said that she won’t return until she finds the keeper’s adder behind the reptile house. Anyway, much as I’d love to stand around here talking with you, unfortunately I just haven’t got the time. The King has given me a bumper pile of laundry to sort pronto (Notices Hotchit and Botchit behind her). Did you two manage to garner any assistance for your tiling and grouting marathon?

Hotchit: (Standing up with Botchit) Well Mrs. Bubbles, I believe Hedrick spoke to Candy and that she said she’d help, and try to get some others to join in as well.

Botchit: Ooh here comes Candy now, and it looks as though she has managed to rope in some extra volunteers.

Candy enters stage left, followed by the Chancellor and Jason. All three are wearing pinafores.

Candy: Hello boys, given there was so little time, I tried my very best but this is all I could come up with….. (points dismissively at Chancellor and Jason)

Jason: Hey, gimme a break Sis!

Chancellor: Indeed My Lady – Vectron is only trying to assist.

Candy: Sorry!

Clodagh: (Looks around) In the name of Vectron greetings Chancellor.

Chancellor: Vectron be with you Mrs. Bubbles, and may the power of Vectron bring prosperity to your laundry.

Clodagh: (Looks around) I don’t know why, but I have bad vibes about this. (Turns to audience) Over the years I’ve been involved in far too many pantomimes, and once I see dust sheets on the floor, it’s time to get worried!

Chancellor: By Vectron’s kindly claw Mrs. Bubbles, we are simply going to help Hotchit and Botchit with a bit of tiling and grouting. Now honestly, tell me what could possibly go wrong?

Jason: (Squirming) Don’t ask!

Hotchit: Come on everyone, we have work to do for his majesty King Copernicus.

Chancellor: Hear hear. By Vectron

Botchit: Yeah, here are your tools. (Various items are handed out. Whilst this is going on Hotchit picks the bucket up and looks into it. Something is clearly wrong) What’s the matter Hotchit?

Hotchit: I’m not quite sure how to put this Botchit.

Botchit: Put what? (Cue music)

All on stage will take part in the song at various times, utilising props as named within the lyrics. This will be carefully worked out during rehearsals! During the song the King (carrying his telescope), accompanied by Private Partz, will enter stage left unnoticed by the participants. At first bemused, he soon becomes amused by what he sees, and ends up laughing heartily.

SONG – THERE’S A HOLE IN MY BUCKET

Just before the end of the song Clodagh exits stage right & returns with a receptacle containing some water. Immediately after the song has finished, Clodagh sets up Hotchit. (who is on the dust sheet with his back to her)

Clodagh: Hotchit, I’ve got something for you. Something you really want!

Hotchit: (Turning round) Oh what is it? (Clodagh throws the contents at Hotchit) Oh thanks Mrs. Bubbles, I needed a shower.

Clodagh: (Suddenly becoming aware of the King’s presence she curtseys) Oh your Majesty!!!!!!!

The others then notice the King, all bowing.

Chancellor: Sire, I am most terribly and humbly sorry. I can only apologise…

King: (Still chuckling) Fear not good people. (Pauses and look around before moving centre stage) My friends. There is nothing to worry about: as there was no-one around, I came to enquire as to what was happening. Never mind though, I can assure you that I have not laughed so much in years. Thanks to each and every one of you for helping me remember what having fun can be like.

Botchit: (Tapping the King on the shoulder) Aah it was nothing – you’re welcome boss!

Clodagh: (Sharply) Botchit, remember to whom you are speaking.

King: Do not let it concern you Clodagh. And now I think I will retire to my chambers (exits stage right, followed by Private Partz).

Clodagh: Of course, your Majesty, of course.

Chancellor: By Vectron, after what has happened here I need a rub down with the Racing Post!

Chancellor & Jason exit stage left, others stage right except Candy who moves front centre stage and speaks directly to the audience.

Candy: Well, would you believe it, the King laughing away like that? I can’t remember when I last saw him so happy. I must try and find Snow White to let her know, she will be so excited! Things definitely seem to be changing, I only hope it is for the better.

Runs off stage left.
Blackout. Forest cloth in.

It's coming along excellently, C=O. I enjoyed every word. It seems obvious that you have another potential triumph on your hands.

We'll see Mr. Q.

The situation that has arisen is that the rest of the production team (led by Mrs C=O) don't think that "A Hole in my Bucket" is working. They have therefore decided to scrap it and replace it, late on, with "If I were not upon the Stage". We spent an hour working on that (for the first time ) yesterday.

Trouble is they don't have the *vision* of how things work. I've been here before. 3 years ago the then Producer told me just days before we opened that the cooking scene in Puss In Boots was too long and didn't work. I told him it did, wait till we have an audience. It was, needless to say, a triumph.

The issue now is that the narrative of the scene and some of the dialogue needs to be amended, including dropping the water. The whole point of the thing was the set up to Hotchit getting wet. Now that's gone, it ain't gonna happen.

Every time someone else directs a script of mine they change things for the worse. This is no exception, and will be the last time anything written by me, and with which I have involvement, will be directed by anyone other than myself.

I can more than understand your frustration, Mr. C=O. A director who isn't in synch or fails to grasp the narrative intentions of the writer can make some pretty stupid decisions. Partly to justify their own "creative input", and partly due to the long-standing, and mostly unspoken, belief that the director is better qualified to make these judgement calls than the person who sat down and actually wrote the damned thing.

I certainly don't blame you for refusing to work that way in future. Direct yourself and that way ensure that your vision remains true, while still giving the audience the best possible experience.

Good for you.

And now the revised version..........

Scene Six

Still the Palace. Lights up. Hotchit & Botchit enter stage right.

HotBot: Alright geezers. (Audience interaction)

Hotchit: Have you met that Queen Melissa yet? (More audience interaction) Wow, she’s scary isn’t she?

Botchit: It’s a good job we managed to persuade old Hedrick that he wasn’t meant to do what she said, otherwise we’d have been in serious trouble.

Hotchit: Anyway, we’ve got a lot of work to do, so please excuse us.

They start talking in the background. Clodagh enters stage left and bustles her way to front of stage.

Clodagh: Hello boys and girls. (Audience interaction). Do you know, I went to the Doctor’s the other day and asked him for something for persistent wind: he gave me a kite. And apparently Dame Sarena and Lady Venus have nipped across to the Palace Zoo to help look for a missing snake. Indeed, Venus has said that she won’t return until she finds the keeper’s adder behind the reptile house. Anyway, much as I’d love to stand around here talking with you, unfortunately I just haven’t got the time. The King has given me a bumper pile of laundry to sort pronto (Notices Hotchit and Botchit behind her). Did you two manage to garner any assistance for your tiling and grouting marathon?

Hotchit: Well Mrs. Bubbles, I believe Hedrick spoke to Candy and that she said she’d help, and try to get some others to join in as well.

Botchit: Ooh here comes Candy now, and it looks as though she has managed to rope in some extra volunteers.

Candy enters stage left, followed by the Chancellor and Jason.

Candy: Hello boys, given there was so little time, I tried my very best but this is all I could come up with….. (points dismissively at Chancellor and Jason)

Jason: Hey, gimme a break Sis!

Chancellor: Indeed My Lady – Vectron is only trying to assist.

Candy: Sorry!

Clodagh: (Looks around) In the name of Vectron greetings Chancellor.

Chancellor: Vectron be with you Mrs. Bubbles, and may the power of Vectron bring prosperity to your laundry.

Clodagh: (Looks around) I don’t know why, but I have bad vibes about this.

Chancellor: By Vectron’s kindly claw Mrs. Bubbles, we are simply going to help Hotchit and Botchit with a bit of tiling and grouting. Now honestly, tell me what could possibly go wrong?

Jason: (Squirming) Don’t ask!

Hotchit: Come on everyone, we have work to do for his majesty King Copernicus.

Chancellor: Hear hear. By Vectron

Botchit: Yeah, let’s go off and get our tools.

All except Hotchit exit stage right. He is about to leave but is handed his prop from the wings and turns round to start the song. Cue music. During the song the King (carrying his telescope), accompanied by Private Partz, will enter unnoticed by the participants. At first bemused, he soon becomes amused by what he sees, and ends up laughing heartily.

SONG – IF I WERE NOT UPON THIS STAGE

Clodagh: (Suddenly becoming aware of the King’s presence she curtseys) Oh your Majesty!!!!!!!

The others then notice the King, all bowing.

Chancellor: Sire, I am most terribly and humbly sorry. I can only apologise…

King: (Still chuckling) Fear not good people. (Pauses and look around before moving centre stage) My friends. There is nothing to worry about: as there was no-one around, I came to enquire as to what was happening. Never mind though, I can assure you that I have not laughed so much in years. Thanks to each and every one of you for helping me remember what having fun can be like.

Botchit: (Tapping the King on the shoulder) Aah it was nothing – you’re welcome boss!

Clodagh: (Sharply) Botchit, remember to whom you are speaking.

King: Do not let it concern you Clodagh. And now I think I will retire to my chambers (exits stage right, followed by Private Partz).

Clodagh: Of course, your Majesty, of course.

Chancellor: By Vectron, after what has happened here I need a rub down with the Racing Post!

Chancellor & Jason exit stage left, others stage right except Candy who moves front centre stage and speaks directly to the audience.

Candy: Well, would you believe it, the King laughing away like that? I can’t remember when I last saw him so happy. I must try and find Snow White to let her know, she will be so excited! Things definitely seem to be changing, I only hope it is for the better.

Runs off stage left.
Blackout. Forest cloth in.

Thanks C-O - still a fine scene. But I still believe you were right and "A Hole in my Bucket" shouldn't have been replaced.

Moving swiftly on...............

Scene Seven

A different part of the forest, lights up. Hedrick enters stage right followed shortly afterwards by a tired looking Snow White. Full lights to represent that it is still day.

Snow White: Oh Hedrick, please may we rest awhile? I’m so tired.

Hedrick: Very well Princess.

They sit down on a large log that is near the front of stage

Snow White: Hedrick, why have you brought us so far?

Hedrick: Um, um, think Hedrick: oh yes, an old peddlar lady told me that there are many beautiful flowers in this forest, and as I know you love flowers so much I thought you might like to come and pick some.

Snow White: Well Hedrick, that’s very kind and thoughtful of you. (Stands up - to audience) Don’t you think that’s kind of Hedrick boys and girls? (Audience interaction. Behind Snow White’s back Hedrick tries to get the audience to say yes). The trouble is Hedrick that that we’ve walked so far I’ve hardly got the strength to pick any flowers.

Hedrick: Sit down again then Princess.

Snow White sits back on the log. Her tired head bows. Hedrick moves menacingly behind her, takes out the knife given to him by the Queen and raises it above his head ready to strike. Expect and encourage audience response, which can be used to stir Snow White.

Snow White: Hedrick, what’s going on, what was that noise?

Hedrick: (Hiding knife). I don’t know Princess, perhaps it was a deer or something like that shuffling through the forest.

Snow White: Oh yes, you’re probably right.

Snow White’s head bows again. Once more Hedrick takes out the knife and raises it above his head. As before expect audience response, which stirs Snow White.

Snow White: Hedrick, I’m sure I heard another noise?

Hedrick: (Hiding knife and pointing at audience). It was this lot. For some reason they don’t want to let you fall to sleep.

Snow White: I don’t know, audiences nowadays – what are they like?

Snow White’s head bows again. Yet again Hedrick is ready to strike, but this time he simply cannot carry through his mistresses instructions. Look for more audience interaction.

Hedrick: (To audience) No, no I can’t do it. I can’t kill Snow White – it ain’t right what the Queen has told me to do. But what will she say? If I take Snow White back with me then she’ll have me executed, that’s what. I know, I’ll leave Snow White here, go back to the Palace and pretend I did as I was told. The Queen’ll never know better.

Hedrick scuttles off stage right. The lights slowly dim to represent nightfall. The increasing noise of wind can be heard. Flashes of lightning appear. Snow White starts shivering and awakes.

Snow White: Hedrick, Oh Hedrick. (She starts looking around but cannot find him) He’s not here. Is there anybody there? Hello! Hello! (To audience) Did you see where Hedrick went boys and girls? (Audience interaction) Oh no, he’s left me behind, in a strange forest by myself. What am I to do, what is to become of me? Oh I wish that Candy were here – or even better that my handsome Prince would come and rescue me. Yes that would be wonderful. But instead, here I am all on my own….

In follow spot, Snow White starts wandering aimlessly. The stage left wing has been ‘opened out’ to show a small door. Music ‘The Legend of the Glass Mountain”, accompanies the action and dialogue. To extend the ‘size’ of the forest Snow White may come off stage front for a small while. As she is almost on her last legs, she sees a distant light, which is emanating from a small cottage.

Snow White: (Exhausted) What’s this? Oh, it’s a little house, my prayers have been answered. I must…….make……..it……………inside………..

With her last ounce of strength Snow White makes it to the cottage, opens the door and staggers inside.

Blackout. Tabs In.

Great stuff! I'm really enjoying it.

You old smoothie.

I'll post the *dramatic* finale to Act One in the next couple of days. Complete with context. 'Cos 'its a right rip off from something that was broadcast on BBC One on 25th December 2009.

Hmmmm...I wonder what on earth that something that was broadcast on BBC One on 25th December 2009 might be?

Ooooooooooohhhhhhh...how deliciously cryptic.

Well if it's good enough for the mighty Chuck - it's more than good enough for me!

The Ginger Ninja is a big fan of 'all things' Norris.

Then he has excellent taste. As well as his movies I've always harboured a soft spot for the "Walker: Texas Ranger". One of the few series that both my dear departed dad and I shared a mutual appreciation of.

The man is a legend!*

*Er, Chuck Norris that is. Although my dad was a legend too in his own right.

So the snow led to the first ever cancellation of a rehearsal yesterday. Our next one is not till Tuesday 28th December, which means we've got an awful lot of work to do after Christmas. In the meantime, the finale to Act One.

Scene Eight

Front of Tabs. Continuous action. Follow spot on the Queen standing, holding the Mirror.

Queen: You can boo me all you like, you repellent ruffians. Hedrick has returned and informed me that my orders have been carried out. So now I am the most beautiful in the land, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Just you wait and see, Bwahahaha!!! (Lifts the Mirror)

Mirror, Mirror in my hand, who is the fairest across the land?

Mirror: You my Queen are fair it is true,
But there is still one who is fairer than you.
Deep in the forest managing to survive,
Princess Snow White is still alive,

Queen: (Shrieks in horror) Whhhhaaaaaaaattttttttttt?!?!?!?!?!??! No, you are wrong, Hedrick has killed her, he would not dare disobey one of my orders.

Mirror: Believe what you will my dearest Queen,
But try not to turn a shade of green.
Remember, what I say is always true,
Snow White lives as much as you.

Background music starts.*

Queen: (Turns to audience). Very well then, so be it. Not only has Hedrick disobeyed me, it appears that he has tried to deceive me as well. Hedrick; a buffoon, a stupid lumbering fool trying to get the better of me, Queen Melissa! Ha, he shall pay for this act of treason with his miserable life.

But…… before I deal with him, there is a more pressing death to arrange. It appears I need to take matters into my own hands. Even if I have to do it myself, Snow White will die!

Cut follow spot on Queen, who exits stage right under cover of darkness. Tabs out to reveal the forest once more. At the rear some figures may just be seen in the gloom. Dressed in black, the person voicing the Mirror is front centre stage, picked out by a tight follow spot.

Mirror(As with The Queen’s speech this is orchestrated to the music) And so it came to pass that The Queen did believe that Snow White would cease to exist. But even then, she had no concept of her greater role in events, for this was far more than she could ever imagine.

This was the day upon which the whole Kingdom would change for ever. This was the day the dwarfs returned.

Low lights now up to reveal dwarfs lined up in front of the Forest cloth. Upon each ‘statement’ those on stage raise their right arm, fist clenched.

Mirror: For Snow White.
Dwarfs: For Snow White!

Mirror: For Victory.
Dwarfs: For Victory!

Mirror: For the end of the Queen herself.
Dwarfs: For the end of the Queen herself!

Blackout. Tabs In.



* The music.

Tell me something, C=O: will the mirror let loose a bit of spittle while delivering his lines?

I sincerely hope so.